To Kiss An Idol

All my senses were numb. I just kept looking into his black eyes. They were mesmerizing. My hands over his chest could feel his heart beating fast. Slowly he pulled me closer to him but all I saw was his irises getting bigger. His heart was ready to pound out of his chest and I realised that our lips were too close to each other.

Being this close to him after a whole week was providing me with the necessary comfort but somehow, I was not ready to kiss him yet. I just knew that I missed him like crazy but in love with him, I was not sure.

I could sense that he was ready for the kiss. He was about to close his eyes when I pushed him away and gulped. I ran away from the bathroom and ran to my room. I closed the door and breathed heavily for almost a minute. It felt as if I was having a panic attack, but I was just overwhelmed with emotions.

First, I missed him, then was overjoyed to see him before my eyes, then cried with happiness and now my heart was overflowing with emotions for him. The boy whom I rejected on the very first day somehow booked a place in my heart and started living there without my knowledge. Now my heart belonged to him and that was a bizarre sensation for me.

I kept clutching my heart for a minute trying to slow it down. But his lips, his face, his eyes would flash before my eyes and my heart would again beat like crazy. I somehow calmed myself and got out of my wet clothes. My room too was wet due to my clothes. Before Ritvik came out of the bathroom, I cleaned up the water and threw my clothes in the washing machine.

After he came out, we could not look each other in the eye. I brought food for both of us, and we ate together. In silence, we ate our food. No one spoke. TV was on, what was on it, I still don’t know.

After having the food and awkwardly hugging each other, he left. But we both kept thinking about the almost kiss. How do I know? He told me that night. He said that he was sorry for the moment and that it would never happen again. All he wants is my friendship. He hoped that one moment would not poison our sweet friendship and I agreed.

The fact was I was never angry that he tried to kiss me. Because if I would have one more second of weakness, I would have ended up kissing him too. But I never told him that. We went back to the daily routine of talking during night hours.

.....

We would meet in the morning outside the building, have lunch together and he would drop me at my house, and we would talk at night. The routine continued.

Then my neighbourhood was plagued by a series of thefts and burglaries. A number of houses and the people living inside them were attacked. Police were working overtime to catch the culprits. Two more watchmen were appointed for our society for our safety. My parents offered me to take back in for a few days but I was not ready to give up my independence which I would regret soon.

One night while sleeping, I heard some noise and jumped out of my bed. I double-checked every door and every window and went back to sleep. But could not fall asleep. Every time I would close my eyes, a series of nightmares would hit my brain. Every time I would close my eyes a burglar would enter my house and slit my throat or choke me to death.

Now, the offer from my parents was looking good to me, but I could not go to their house at that time. I was too scared and could not fall asleep. Only one person came to my mind at that time. Shivering with fear, I called up Ritvik even though it was late. He took time to pick up the phone as obviously he was sleeping.

He was concerned to see my call at such a time. He too knew about the burglar situation and thought something like that happened to me.

The moment he picked up the phone, I could hear the concern and the urgency in his sleepy voice, “are you alright?”

“Vik!” I sobbed.

“Ritz! What happened?” he could barely speak.

“I had a nightmare,” I cried.

“Nothing else? You are okay?” he asked urgently.

“Yes, I am fine, well not fine. Every time I shut my eyes, I imagine someone killing me and looting all my earthly possessions,” I answered.

“Stupid girl!” he sighed with relief. “You almost gave me a heart attack. I woke up thinking something happened to you,” he scolded me. “Don’t ever scare me like this.”

“Sorry! I was just scared and wanted to talk to you,” I pouted.

“What about how you sacred me?” he rebuked.

That would have been my first red flag. He was scolding me when he should have been taking care of me. His being scared was more important than me being scared. He gaslighted my feeling and made me feel bad about scaring him.

“I am sorry. I just thought of you,” I replied.

“It’s fine. I forgive you. Do you want me to be on the phone while you fall asleep?” he offered. I was over the moon, that he cared for me. I completely forgot that just a few seconds ago he made everything to be my fault.

That night we fell asleep with our phones connected and the call disconnected on its own after it crossed the time limit.

The next morning was the usual and we met outside the building. He again warned me not to scare him like that. Me being a fool again apologised to him.

That evening he dropped me at my house and said to expect a surprise. I asked him multiple times, but he never gave me a clue. After I was done preparing my meal and taking a bath, my doorbell rang.

It was 10 in the evening. No one came to my house that late. I thought maybe some neighbour came for a favour. I opened the door and my jaw dropped to the floor. Ritvik was standing at the door with an overnight bag in his hands.

I smiled at him and asked, “what are you doing here?”

“My sweet friend had a nightmare last night. I am here to make sure no one kills her in her dream,” he taunted.

“You idiot!” I was over the moon because of his sweet gesture and hugged him dearly. He too embraced me tightly in his arms and dropped his bag.

“Is it okay if I spent the night in your house?”

“Thank you for thinking so much about me,” I appreciated him.

“Anytime.”

I brought him inside and locked the door. “Did you eat?”

“Yes, I am full. I am not here to finish your food, I just came to sleep with you,” he replied.

“Huh...” his sentence fried my brain. “Sleep with me? He wants to sleep with me?”

“What?” he asked innocently maybe he didn’t realise what he said.

“Nothing,” I smiled and changed the topic. “Well then you can take the couch, I will have my dinner and we can both retire for the night.”

“Sure.” He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his feet before sleeping. He changed into pyjamas and was ready to sleep. I too had my meal, gave him a pillow and blanket and retired to my room.

It was in the middle of the night when I again heard some noise. I again woke up to check all the doors and windows. To my surprise, my bedroom window was open. I froze with fear. A shadow flashed behind me. I turned out with a jerk. A tall dark figure hovered near my door for a minute and then swoosh! it came running at me.

I closed my eyes and screamed at the top of my lungs. When I opened my eyes, I was on my bed and Ritvik’s voice was asking me to wake up urgently. He jolted me out of my sleep and my nightmare.

I could barely breathe. I was shuddering and shivering but he held me tightly in his arms. “I am here, you are safe, nothing will happen to me, when I am here,” he caressed my back tenderly.

“It was so scary, Vik,” somehow my voice came out.

“Look at me, Ritz, look at me. I am here. Nothing will happen to you,” he assured. I looked up and he kissed my forehead.

I hid my head in his warm chest and kept holding me for minutes. His hands were running up and down my back assuring me that I was safe. Slowly he moved his hand over my face and placed my chin between his forefinger and thumb and forced me to look at him.

“It’s a good thing I came to sleep here, else you would have called me again in the middle of the night, ” he teased.

“Vik!” playfully I slapped his chest.

He wiped my tears and asked seriously, “are you okay, now?”

I just nodded. My room was still dark just the yellow light of the streetlight was streaming in through the crevices of curtains. His black eyes were blacker. The light was hitting his jaw enhancing his jawline. He was handsome but somehow, he grew more handsome.