To Kiss An Idol

He asked for my help, and I helped him with refining his outline and polishing his characters. We would spend a lot of time brainstorming over his book. He was happy and excited about his new project, and I was happy to see him happy. I was happy to see him passionate about something.

Then that passion changed into obsession. He would spend hours at a stretch researching random facts that had nothing to do with his book. If I would point it out, he would get defensive and justify that every research makes him add something new to his book.

He even started taking his job for granted. He would skip days to work on his book but would not write a single word. He would keep staring at a blank page. When asked about it he would say he is still thinking about a killer opening. Being the expert in one line as I worked in an advertisement agency, I threw a few lines his way, but he rejected all of them.

What bothered me was he would get angry whenever I would suggest anything. He would taunt me about my age and wisdom.

“You are elder than me that does not mean you are more intelligent. I too work in Media, I know how to write. Yes, you have read more books than me which does not make you an expert in books. Let me do my thing on my own. I don’t need your help,” he would shout at me. Slowly his words became harsher.

I thought it was just the fear of failure or writer’s block that every writer faces. I tried to be supportive and calm, but he would snap at me at random. The only time he would smile and talk nicely to me would be when we would make love. This kept happening for another month.

Then came the grand festival of Diwali. We had been dating and living together for months without any of our parents knowing about it. Still, he had not written a single word. So, he decided to get a fresh perspective. He took some leave and decided to visit his parents who lived in the state of Rajasthan. He would be gone for a week. I went to the airport to drop him off.

With tears in my eyes, I said goodbye to him and told him that I would miss him tremendously. He assured me that he would miss me more. After hugging and kissing him, I wished him a safe flight and came back home.

.....

My parents too kept asking me to spend the holidays at home, so I packed my bags and went to stay with them. My sister came running to greet me as she was seeing me after months. We used to fight with each other but loved each other with all our hearts. The moment I reached she hugged me and the next thing she did was search my bags to steal things out of them.

I smiled at her cuteness and naughtiness but could not stop thinking about Vik. After almost two hours I left him a message asking whether his flight landed. But there was no answer. There was no answer for two days.

My family would ask me what the matter was and why my face looked stressed and sad. I lied that I had some big assignment coming up at the office and that is stressing me out. They didn’t think much about it, just gave me the motivation to work happily at my office and were done.

But Apeksha, my sister, she knew something was up. She kept nagging and nagging. We were sharing the room and she would keep asking me about the matter the whole night and day. One night she caught me crying on my pillow as it was the third day when Vik never replied or sent a message. I kept sending him multiple messages every day but never saw a reply.

He said before going that he would miss me, but it was clear that he was not missing me at all. I didn’t know whether he landed safely, whether he reached his home safely, whether he was alive or dead. My heart never slowed down. At this rate, it was clear that I would get a heart attack.

“Di!” Apeksha softly placed her hands over my hair and caressed it. But I just kept sobbing. “Please tell me what the matter is. Who hurt you?”

I broke down, NK. I could not hold it any longer. I hugged my sister and told her everything. Everything about me and Vik.

“He is safe, Di. Don’t worry. You know how families are. He must not have any privacy there. The moment he gets time, he will message you. Or his phone was broken, and he could not message you. There are many reasons, just give him the benefit of doubt. You love him, he must be a nice person,” Apeksha comforted me.

The next night my phone chimed at midnight. It was a message from Vik. I jumped squealing on my bed. Apeksha was sleeping so I shut myself up.

“Hi! Sorry for not contacting you soon. My family is crazy. The moment I landed they took me on a blind date. Every day since I have been going on blind dates and have been surrounded by my family. Finally, today I am hiding on my roof and messaging you. Sorry, Ritz. Love you,” he messaged me.

My heart stopped. His family is looking for girls for him to marry and he is going on blind dates. Why didn’t he tell anyone about me? I knew the answer because we never discussed it. Should we tell our families? Even I have not told them about him then how could I expect him to tell his family about me?

But still, my heart ached after hearing that he was meeting with different girls. The excitement I had after receiving his message, all died down after reading it. With a loud sigh, I lay back down, and tears started streaming down my face.

My phone chimed again and I read the message. My mouth fell open as he asked what I was wearing. Message after message he started saying absurd things. The messages were highly erotic. First, I thought that he lost his phone, and someone was using his phone to do fraud.

I immediately called him, but he disconnected the call. He messaged that he cannot talk to me and can only message me. I send him a harsh message asking him to show his face or else I would report the whole chat to the police.

He immediately called me. To my surprise, he was drunk and hiding on his roof behind a wall and talking in whispers. I was shocked to know that he drank. He had never ever drunk before. “Sorry was missing you, that’s why sent those messages,” he smiled.

“Sober up, we will talk tomorrow,” I snapped at him and disconnected the call.

That was the first time I realised that something was wrong with our relationship. He missed me and the first thing he thought about was having text sex with me. Was I in his life only to give him sexual pleasure?

But then I scolded myself and asked myself not to think negatively. He was drunk and had no idea what he was doing. My excuse was that he acted this way because he was drunk.

And as per my belief, he called me the next day and apologised for his behaviour and not calling me for three days. Everything was back to the way it was before. I forgave him. Now every night he would send me a goodnight message and sometimes give me a call if no one would be around him.

The holidays were over, and I came back to my apartment. I could freely talk to him there. But he still had restrictions. The week was almost over, and he would come back and then we would talk and kiss and enjoy ourselves with each other.

To my surprise, he extended his trip for another week. When I asked about his office and his boss, he again got defensive and snapped at me. He said, “I want the setting of my book to be in Rajasthan and I am researching for it and all you could think is about your needs. What? Can’t you live alone for another week? I should come and do all your household chores for you and stop writing my book, is that what you want?”

“Where and when did I mention my needs or chores? I never asked you to do chores at my house. I never asked for your help,” I replied.

“Wow! So, I am a monster if don’t help you and I am a monster even if I help you. Can you ever be happy, Ritz? Just tell me what you want. You want me to come back, I will come back right now, is that what you want,” he snapped at me.

I was taken aback. What was he talking about? Why was he talking in such a manner to me? “I never asked you to come back. I just wanted to know if your boss is okay with you extending your trip, that’s all. You brought my needs, whatever that is and all the talk about doing chores in our conversation,” I said calmly.

“I can’t even...” and he disconnected the call. We didn’t talk for two days after that. None of us even tried to call one another.