To Kiss An Idol

“Ugh! Drama queen! Both of them,” Dae was disgusted with everything around him. “Who is scared of a dog? So, what if she got one bite? If I get into an accident, I should stop driving? What nonsense? This generation, I tell you. And everyone is acting as if that is such a big deal. And this Kat, so what he berated her once. It’s a done deal, why keep thinking about it over and over again?”

“That’s why you have such long hair, to hide the scars,” mocked Dae, condescendingly.

“Ha-ha, Mr. Seong. Nice one!” laughed Nivritti as she thought that he was trying to lighten the mood. Everyone laughed after Nivritti laughed but not Kyung-Soo. Something about Dae’s tone bothered him.

He looked at Dae who too was smiling at Nivritti and the other boys, but his smile was not reaching his eyes. The feelings in his eyes were missing. Kyung-Soo realised that something was off with him but could not put his finger on that.

“Come on TK, smile. It’s fine,” said Nivritti and patted Thae’s back. She again tried to get her hands out of Kyung-Soo’s hands, but he never let her go, he even tightened his grip. She looked at him and gestured towards her hands. He innocently mouthed, “What?”

Before Nivritti could say anything, “Have you tried to overcome your fear?” asked Thae.

“Yes, I had a therapist who worked with me on my phobia. Slowly I was comfortable with a dog being in the same building and then a dog being with me in the same room. Then I grew up and stopped the therapy. But again, my fear flared up. I don’t know how but it came back,” educated Nivritti. Dae gasped and stared at her.

Nivritti looked at him shocked and then looked at everyone. Only Kyung-Soo didn’t react. Others were taken aback.

.....

“You see a therapist? And how are you so casual talking about that?” asked Young-Chul, shocked.

“Yes, I see a therapist. Seeing a therapist is good for you, you know that right?” inquired Nivritti.

Young-Chul glanced at her and then lowered his eyes, “well, if you are an idol and people get to know that you go and see a mental health officer, your career would be over because they will see that a sign of weakness. And also, it will be a scandal.”

“Oh my God! Why everything is a scandal for idols? You guys work so hard, face so many difficulties, have given all your life to this skill, you have forsaken your childhood for this life, sasaeng, constant scrutiny in public eyes, always has to maintain a charming persona, constant bullying and people pulling you down, getting mobbed, cyberbullying, and what not. You guys have to endure so much, and you guys have never sought therapy? How come your company does not provide you with mental health help? If they can have a doctor on standby, why not a psychiatrist?” Nivritti was furious.

“Calm down! Don’t get angry,” comforted Kyung-Soo. But she was extremely angry. With all her night she pulled her hand out of his and this time she was successful. Kyung-Soo’s mouth fell open as he saw her angry avatar. He knew she was ready to fight for others and now she got an opportunity.

“Calm down? Calm down?? Are you seriously asking me not to get angry?” shouted Nivritti.

“Sorry!” exclaimed Kyung-Soo and lowered his gaze.

“Therapy is not easy in South Korea, Nivritti,” Dae weighed in.

“Why not? Don’t South Koreans have a brain? Don’t they have issues? Don’t they feel the need to share their feeling with others? What are you talking about?” snapped Nivritti. That infuriated Dae even further.

“How come this girl is shouting at me? The audacity she has. Who does she think she is?” thought Dae. But he was low-key scared of her. He had seen how she scolded everyone after they were talking about Jung-Hwa and Jae-Hwa. She was ready to rip everyone apart and again she was showing the same signs.

“It is perceived as a sign of weakness in this country,” said Young-Chul softly.

“MY! Mental health issues are perceived the same way in India too but now, people are talking about it. They are seeking help from professionals. Many celebrities have openly talked about it and started the conversation. At first, if people went to a therapist or psychiatrist, they were called crazy but not now. Indians are talking about physical as well as mental health and it should be the same everywhere, every corner of the world,” replied Nivritti.

“It’s easy for you to say. We are in constant surveillance of people. They will talk,” pointed out Korain.

“Haah,” she scoffed. “When I first started my therapy, I was just four years old, and my surgeon recommended me. He said that I would develop PTSD if I don’t get help. I won’t even be able to walk on streets which are littered with street dogs. My daily life would hamper. And you know what everyone in my society called me after they knew that I was going to a psychiatrist? They called me a freak, they called me weak. They even bullied my parents and commented that they didn’t raise their kid right. They said that if I needed therapy at such a tender age, I must have been born with mental health issues. They started calling me autistic as that was the only knowledge they had. But my parents fought for me. They educated every member of our society. They kept handing informational fliers to them. And slowly their perception changed. So, yes, Korain, people will talk, they always do, but one should focus on things that will help them and not on other people’s perception,” educated Nivritti.

“But you have a phobia, an issue you can talk about,” commented Jung-Hwa.

She smiled at him and said, “tell me this, JJ. What age did you join this group?”

“When I was fourteen,” replied Jung-Hwa.

“And you have been with this group since then?” asked Nivritti.

“Yes.”

“Being away from your house, being away from your parents, being away from family and friends, practising day and night and sharpening your skills, don’t you think that affected your mental health? You didn’t get to experience a normal childhood. Don’t you feel that loss? You didn’t go on school trips. You didn’t experience normal school culture. You didn’t participate in normal school activities. You didn’t fight with friends your age. You didn’t experience the first crush on your teacher. You didn’t experience puppy love. You didn’t experience the first heartbreak,” said Nivritti.

“But that sacrifice made me what I am today,” interrupted Jung-Hwa.

“True. But can you talk to these guys with whom you spend all your adult life about anything without the fear of judgement? Do you share everything with them, your feelings, your emotions, your desires?” asked Nivritti.

Jung-Hwa simply looked down and shook his head in no. She sweetly asked, “so, you don’t want anyone unbiased, a stranger with whom you can share every aspect of your life without being judged? Don’t you want to find out the true meaning of the feelings you are experiencing? Don’t you want someone to tell you that failure too is okay, you don’t have to be perfect all the time? Don’t you want someone who will keep your secrets no matter what, one who will help you find all the answers to every question swirling in your mind?”

There was no answer. They all looked at her and then lowered their head. “I know it is difficult being a public figure to talk about things that are considered taboo. But if we won’t start the conversation, how will we abolish that taboo? And if idols would talk about mental health, you have no idea how many people you would be helping. So many depressed teenagers don’t even know what is wrong with them, same with bipolars. Sometimes they will be happy and at others, it is difficult for them to even get out of their beds. But if someone like you, a pioneer in everything, the boyband who took the world by storm, who does not discriminate among their fans, talks about it, maybe those individuals would find it okay to get help. Recently an intelligent person told me, acknowledging that you need help, is the highest form of bravery.”

Kyung-Soo immediately looked at her as she repeated his words. He was amazed that she remembered his wisdom.

“Take Jae-Hwa as an example, don’t you think she should go and talk to someone about what she experienced in that restaurant that day when she was harassed?” asked Nivritti.

“I proposed therapy for both of you to Hu-ssi,” recalled Jeong-Eun, innocently.

“You did?” questioned Jae-Hwa suddenly looking at him.

“Yes, I did,” replied Jeong-Eun.

“So, if it’s okay for Jae and me to go to therapy, why is it not okay for you guys? You all are human too, you too have issues. No one knows what one person is suffering from or what is going on one’s head. It will only be solved by talking and a therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist, they are expert listeners and analysers. They can help a great bunch. Everyone should take on therapy at least once.”