I Don't Want to Be Loved

Memoirs from the past…

“Your Majesty, we have a big problem!”

The incident started with Basil’s urgent calls.

Rihannan spent her days dreaming of the baby inside her womb. Right then, she heard some terrible news from Chrichton. Many members of the royal family who were carrying out a ceremony at the sanctuary suddenly fell ill to some incurable disease.

The King, the Crown Prince and many heirs from the direct bloodline fell on the table, one after the other, their lives hovering close to death’s doors.

If it had been a natural phenomenon, people would have considered it an unfortunate event and prayed for their health.

However, it all changed when the truth was revealed. The Queen Mother had frustrated that plan, along with many other Chrichton nobles who were against the tyranny of the ruling royal family.

Igor, enraged upon the terrible massacre she’d carried out, roared at her. “Are you crazy? How could you do that? There’s something wrong with your head!”

For the first time since his birth, Igor talked disrespectfully to his mother, his own blood. While Igor was shaken upon these horrible events, the Queen Mother looked calm, as usual.

“It was all for your sake, Igor. Now you are also first in line to succeed Chrichton’s throne. You’ll rule two countries… you’ll be an Emperor!”

Igor was aware of his mother’s unique position. She had both Chrichton and Arundell blood within her veins. She always dreamed of building an Empire capable of fighting against Toulouse. If she had become the ruling Queen, just like she planned, then she’d have been able to seize the throne herself.

But she didn’t.

Therefore, she tried accomplishing her goals through her son, her own flesh and blood. But she never bothered to find out what Igor really wanted.

“Stop saying nonsense! And do not cause more trouble that what you’ve already done!”

But his mother kept pestering him about becoming the next in line for Chrichton’s throne. Igor was losing his patience. He’d learned the hard way that it was time to take the power away from her. The time had come, and if he allowed his mother to continue doing whatever she pleased, him and his wife would not be able to have a life of their own.

Igor made up his mind. He sent Rihannan away from the Central Palace before seriously carrying out his plans. He didn’t want her to be involved in the problem, especially not while pregnant. His mother would use Rihannan to make him vow to her will.

Besides, he needed to send Rihannan away from her own family. When her pregnancy was announced, if not for formal occasions, Igor stopped meeting with Leticia altogether. Count Alessin complaint about that.

“Your Majesty, are you trying to get rid of my daughter like this? Even after the whole world is gossiping about how she became your lover, and the nation’s concubine? You can’t do that, Your Majesty! Rihannan barely has any importance!”

Igor saw how the Count’s benevolent father’s fake façade was slowly tearing apart. He knew Rihannan’s father didn’t treat her with special love nor care, but he’d thought that at least he respected her within the boundaries of a distant fatherly figure.

But now that his true colors were slowly being revealed, Igor saw right through him. The Count was never a fatherly figure to his wife. He never cared about her. He only had Leticia in mind.

Afterwards, he learnt that Rihannan had suffered many psychological traumas after her mother’s dead thanks to the cold, loveless environment in which she grew up.

He thought of her when they were younger, of her calm, smiley personality. But as they grew up, she became rigid, timid, nervous and restless. He’d always wondered about her change, but now he knew why.

She couldn’t live a normal life with a father and sister who despised her. They would always let out poisonous words that diminished her existence.

…it must have been hell.

And then, she went through another hell thanks to him.

“From the start, Rihannan has always been and will always be my only wife. My successor will be the baby Rihannan gives birth to”.

Igor clenched his teeth and fist. He stopped himself just in time.

Afterwards, Igor severed all links with Count Alessin. The man only believed in money and was far too confident on his ability to rule over the King.

“From now on, I will not see you again, Count Alessin. Be grateful that I won’t do anything else, considering that you are my wife’s father”.

Count Alessin swallowed his anger before leaving the Palace with loud steps.

Soon after, Igor excluded the Count from all political affairs. To begin with, he never wanted the Count near him. He was too incompetent and greedy.

A few days later, Igor stood in front of the carriage assigned to take Rihannan to the Royal Family’s villa. When she arrived, she smiled at him awkwardly. It’d been many years since their wedding day, but there was an uncomfortable wall between them.

Igor was desperate, as though there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

“I’ll visit you regularly, though I won’t be able to do it daily… no, if time allows it, I’ll visit you every day”.

Her wide and innocent blue eyes gazed at him, slightly surprised. Then, she blushed and lower her head.

Igor held her tightly. Her body was small compared to his. He found that cute.

Upon realizing the draining life they’ve had, Igor closed his eyes. He regretted all the things he’d done to her. Telling her to choose a side, either him or her godmother. Meanwhile, she never had a real family she could rely on.

Then, Rihannan boarded her carriage.

While the carriage was slowly moving forward, Rihannan opened the curtains and looked at him.

Igor smiled.

Rihannan smiled till her figure slowly vanished in the horizon.

Igor felt happy, waiting impatiently for the day in which she’d come back to his arms. When the time came and all their problems were properly solved, they’d live a happy life. Together.

His heart was filled with hope.

But, in the end….

End of past memories…

“Are you saying that the Queen Mother killed all those people? Even those who were innocent of any wrongdoing?!”