I Don't Want to Be Loved

Igor grid his teeth while he took out his sword. Before coming down here, when Rihannan told him she’d planned on giving her poison, he firmly opposed her. Perhaps he would have considered it if it had been the same poison Leticia had used, but Rihannan was actually planning on giving her a peaceful dead.

That’s why Igor adamantly opposed.

However, the only person who had the right to decide Leticia’s demise was Rihannan herself. If that was what she wanted, nobody had the right to stop her. Therefore, Rihannan offered her kindness to Leticia until the very last moment, but her half-sister insisted on stepping on her good heart.

Now, Igor definitely could not forgive her.

“If you want to die so badly, then I’ll kill you here, right now. Just like I did back then.”

He was planning on killing her the exact same way he did in his past life. First, he’d cut off her fingers and ears… then, he’d go on with her limbs. He’d make her suffer as much as possible till her last breath…

She’d be the one begging him to behead her once and for all.

“Open the doors!”

Upon the King’s orders, the prison officer standing guard outside hurriedly came into the room. When he was about to insert the key on the cell doll, Rihannan stood on his way.

“Step aside, Rihannan.”

Igor warned Rihannan with a strange chilly expression on his face, but Rihannan simply shook her head.

“Enough. You don’t need to soil your hands.”

“Rihannan!”

“Since Leticia turned down my offer, she’ll be publicly beheaded tomorrow morning. After all, that will be an even more humiliating death for her.”

Igor was still resentful of Leticia, but he backed off as Rihannan had asked. Rihannan turned once more towards her step-sister, facing her.

Everything had happened so quickly… when the fact that she’d failed one last time to kill off Rihannan finally sunk into Leticia’s mind, she started crying. Rihannan didn’t even bother trying to understand the reason behind her tears. She finally understood that there was no need to bother with that.

“Since everything is over for you, I’ll tell you something you didn’t know.”

“Something I don’t know?”

“My mother never seduced a man who was already promised to someone else.”

“…what?”

“My father met my mother for the first time at a ball. As a member of the neighboring country’s Royal Family, he met with the woman who came from a noble family close to the Queen Mother, the person who held the most power at the time. What do you think dad thought when he met her?”

“What are you trying to say…?”

“That man hid the fact that he’d already promised a future together to another woman, and seduced my mother with sweet words. Since she was innocent, my mother fell for his lies. When she finally found out he was actually engaged to someone else, she was already pregnant with me. Mother thought father would break off his engagement with your mother, that’s why she married him. If she hadn’t, I would have been born an illegitimate child.”

“…L-lies!”

“But even after marriage, father continued visiting your mother. When my mother found out your mother was pregnant with you in her belly, to protect her family, she tried bribing your mother with money to send her off someplace far away. Father resented my mother for doing that.”

“What madness are you saying now?!”

“I didn’t know any of these either in my past life. After all, mother never told me anything when she was alive. Perhaps she thought I’d be hurt if I knew the truth. I finally found out the truth when I was in Chrichton. In the end, father lied to us all.”

“There’s no way. There’s no way he’d lied to me…”

“Leticia. You are aware, aren’t you? About the type of person father was?”

A tear fell down to the floor from Leticia’s chin. Looking at Leticia, Rihannan felt strong enough to speak her mind, so she spoke coldly. “Your execution will take place tomorrow, as scheduled.”

“I’m sorry, Rihannan!” Leticia grabbed the cold iron bars and begged. “I was wrong, so please, save me. I was simply jealous!” Leticia screamed desperately while she cried. “Seeing you standing atop the stairs of a huge mansion, surrounded by many servants… you looked beautiful, like a princess. But since you kicked me out so coldly, I…”

“You took everything away from me in my past life. Beautiful dresses and jewelry… you even took away my father’s love. But, what did you do afterwards?”

“But you said you became Queen in your past life! That’s something I can’t achieve regardless of how much effort I put in… If I had been born in your position…”

“Then you’d have been jealous of whomever had a better standing that you. You’d have hated that person and lusted after whatever they had that made them better than you. Am I wrong?”

Seeing that Leticia was losing her strength, Rihannan continued reprimanding her coldly.

“My lady-in-waiting once told me that in this world there’s always people like poisonous plants. Even if said plants grew up in fertile soil, they’ll still be poisonous and they’ll never change their nature. That’s why, now I understand… there’s also people in this world that will never change, regardless of what happens. I’m sure you are one of those people.” Rihannan paused for a moment, deep in thought. Then, she finished saying “You, who resemble a poisonous flower, ruined yourself in the end.”

Leticia’s hands, which were tightly gripping on the iron bars, slowly lost force and started sliding down to the floor. Rihannan turned her back on her and the King escorted his Queen out, his hand gently resting on her back. Neither of them bothered to give Leticia a last glance.

Once they both left, the room turned dark again, as if someone had turned off all lights. Alone in the dark, Leticia let herself fall to the ground. Hot tears fell down her face. While she wailed, she remembered a moment in her youth.

Her mother had always told her this.

Your father is a person with very high status! We might be living apart for now, but someday he’ll come back to us!

After her mother had died and she was thrown into an orphanage, she desperately held on to her necklace. It was a necklace her father had gifted her mother as proof of his love. She knew the medallion hanging on that necklace meant that her father would one day come for her.

All the kids in the orphanage were jealous of her because of that. Ever since young age, Leticia flaunted her astounding beauty, the medallion necklace that looked extremely expensive at a first glance and the confidence that her father was a high status noble that would surely come for her one day. To the kids living in the orphanage, she was a kid that boasted of everything they wished they had, straight out of a novel.

Leticia also thought like that. That she was a unique child. That she was definitely different and far better than those low-born peasant boys surrounding her.

One day, her father did come to pick her up upon a carriage. It wasn’t a fantasy, but her reality. When the rest of the orphan kids realized that her biological father wasn’t just a noble, but a Count, they all looked at her with astonishment.

Even at first glance, her father was a handsome man. Every angle of his face flaunted elegance. The way he walked, even the way his fingers lifted the cup of tea were completely different from the imbeciles she’d met till that day. He was a true noble whose refinement exuded from the very marrow of his bones.

Leticia’s father held her and whispered: I did not abandon you. It was all because… yes, it was all because of that woman. Things ended up this way because she seduced me. If it hadn’t been for that woman, then I would have never left your mother. So, please, forgive me, Leticia!

He’d once promised to marry her mother. He’d said that even if her mother was a commoner, he truly loved her nonetheless.

I love you, Leticia. I have another daughter, but the one I love is you. So please, wait a little longer. My wife is in critical condition. As soon as she dies, I swear I’ll come back for you to take you home right away!

Those words were sweeter to Leticia than any candy she’d had in all her life. Since then, Leticia desperately waited for that day to come. She wished for the Countess’ death to arrive soon. No, she actually wished for her to die as soon as possible.

Since her biological father visited her that day, every kid in the orphanage treated her differently, as though she was a completely different person. Even the orphanage’s head, a usually nasty old man, trembled in fear in front of Leticia. That’s when she realized for the first time what it meant to have power over others. She realized that with power she could rule over whomever she wished.

After the Countess’ funeral, Leticia’s father made her wear a beautiful dress before leading her away in an elegant four-wheeled carriage. On her way to her father’s domains, Leticia’s head were filled with sweet dreams. What sort of days would the future hold in store for her from now on? The main protagonists in fairy tales usually ended up as queens. Perhaps that would be her destiny as well.

Her father’s domains were vast, with a magnificent mansion. If someone had told her it was the King’s Palace, she’d have believed it. As she got off the carriage while being carried away in her father’s embrace, her heart beat furiously. Numerous servants aligned in two rows around her and bowed their heads.

Leticia truly felt as though she’d suddenly became a princess.

As soon as she entered the mansion, she saw a girl of her same age standing atop the highest place of the main stairs. She had the characteristics of the people from the north, with long silky silver hair. She was looking at her with a chilly gaze.

A girl born from a member of the neighboring country’s Royal Family and a high ranking noble father. A girl born in the highest peak of nobility.

Looking at the beautiful girl, Leticia couldn’t help but feel some apprehension in her heart against her. She tightened her fist and held back her feelings of uneasiness.

Even if it’s her, I’m the daughter father truly loves. She is nothing but a side character standing in my way.

However, from that fragile little girl’s mouth came out words she could have never imagined.

I already told you to leave my house, father! Leave with your daughter!

Father got very angry at her, but in the end they were both thrown out. To Leticia, there was no worst possible nightmare. Her father, who stood so tall and powerful like a God to her couldn’t even protest properly in front of that little girl.

To add insult to injury, what astonished her more was that all the riches and wealth did not belong to her father, like she’d originally thought, but to that girl. When she realized that now she had to live with her father, who was no different from a beggar, Leticia’s gaze darkened.

Leticia instinctively knew that once she left that mansion, everything would be over. Her previous experience at the orphanage had told her that, be it bread or clothing, once you lose your chance to obtain something, it will never come back to you. If you don’t want something taken from you, you must steal it first, and whatever other people tried to take from you, you must do whatever possible to keep it for as long as you could.

The only thing you’ll take away from me is the dress you are wearing!

When Leticia begged that girl to allow her to stay in that place, she replied icily to her. The fact that not even the dress she had on was truly hers felt like a stab in the chest. Leticia grew furious and grid her teeth.

Leticia never imagined this outcome in her head. No book she’d read at the orphanage had a story like hers. She’d dreamt that after arriving to the mansion, she’d grow up receiving much more love from her father than her sister, that she’d wear beautiful dresses every day and that one day, she’d finally go to a grand ball at the Palace where she’d accidentally meet the King, who’d fall in love with her at first sight and marry her.

However, the cruel reality was that she was thrown out the house before she could even spend a single day in it.

Afterwards, the life she led with her father was far from a happy ending. With the meager pension he received, he barely managed to buy a small old house. They were always running out of money, and when her father started gambling, their debts started growing out of control.

Her father blamed her for all their problems. He was convinced that, had he not gone looking for her, none of this would have happened. Only then did Leticia finally realize the type of person her father was. Unlike his elegant, handsome exterior, he was actually a despicable man on the inside. He didn’t even protest about selling his own daughter to pay off his debts, even when that very same mouth had once said that he loved her dearly.

However, rather than resenting her father, Leticia hated Rihannan much, much more. She had everything Leticia had ever dreamed of. Besides, she was in that hellhole because of her mother, wasn’t it?

What’s more, Leticia wouldn’t have suffered as much had Rihannan only shared with her some of the wealth she’d been born into.

But… Rihannan said that Leticia had once lived a life of luxury, loved by her father and hailed as the most beautiful lady in the mansion.

The things Rihannan had said about her father were surely true, as well. Leticia knew that her father had the tendency of blaming others when things didn’t turn out the way he wanted. Therefore, he’d surely lie about the things in his past for his own benefit.

Actually, I think we are both quite alike. Leticia thought.

Alone in her dark cell, she couldn’t help letting out a bitter laugh.

If Rihannan hadn’t said anything to her about her past life… if she had left her alone… she’d have died feeling resentful against Rihannan till her very last breath. However, she felt as though she didn’t have the right to hate her anymore.

Rihannan said she’d come to give her a painless way out through poison, but what she actually managed to do was to deal Leticia the finishing blow.

To know that no matter how many times she lived, she’d always end up in defeat…

With a pained cry, Leticia collapse on the floor. From that night on to her last morning, tears didn’t stop flowing down her eyes.